Lemon water is for fools!

Dear Monday,

You have thus far not been as terrible as I imagined. Don’t worry I’m not getting overly psyched as there are still several hours for you to eff me over. This morning I only managed to forget my office keys. WINNING. It’s rough after a week and a half off to have to return to working. Unfortunately, none of my scratchers panned out so I’m here with all the other stiffs….drinking water. Sigh, the cocktails are over. Apparently showing up to work drunk is frowned upon.


In other news, yesterday I juiced and got in a very difficult three mile run. Today I woke up and faced my eternal frenemy, the scale, and of course that B-I went all hahaha on me. Apparently tamales and wine are not calorie-less despite what you write to Santa. This helped prepare for the contorting that was needed as I slipped on some work appropriate pants and by that I mean not stretchy running pants.

Also waking up was terrible. Hit the alarm 3x for an extra 30 minutes. At least I was on time. Holla. My email was only mildly filled post vacay – small miracles. Thank you lil’ baby Jesus. I made egg muffins so I had one of those and some veggies for breakfast and didn’t buy coffee. Go me! I mean don’t get it twisted I made my own coffee and drank that. I also brought my lunch and ate that with an apple and some carrots later. Now it 3:27pm and I’m starving!!! My vacation hunger is not used to this starvation of healthy food!!!

ME: Tummy, this is the way it has to be.

Tummy: WHAT! It’s time for a cocktail and some nuts or almonds, maybe some cheese. What are you doing to me? Perhaps a slice of pumpkin pie?

ME: Ummm…no. These pants barely fit me and I think you may have been drunk over break. Have some lemon water.

Tummy: LEMON WATER! This is bullshit! I’m starving.

ME: Carrots, now shut up.

Tummy: MUNCH, CRUNCH, MUNCH. I’m still hungry. What else ya got.

ME: Goddamn! Fine, I have a leftover egg muffin but that’s it.

Tummy: Trust, this is not the end. Lemon water, please. I will be hungry again in 45. See you then.

So yes, bringing back eating whole foods/cleaning eating has returned officially. I’m gonna try and eat really clean for the next 30 days. I mean, I’m still permitting booze, that will be a slow detox. Spinach salad for lunch! BAM!

Ok, I’m off to secretly plan my dinner and figure out what I need to pick up at the store. I hope your first Monday back was only mildly terrible and that you had all the coffee necessary, peeps.



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