The rush of hormones and resulting emotions during your period make you extra human. All that extra, for me at least, makes me feel everything intensely and sometimes painfully. That I’m struggling, that no says your thirties are really hard, that I miss my Grandma at the most unexpected moments, and sometimes you cry.
I hate the feeling of being lost or failing….it’s not easy, its hard but these feelings are important. There’s a lesson in them, in where they came from. Unlike happiness though, you often can’t know in a moment. You need time to process and give you a more objective view. When you’re 13 you feel like when will time start? When will things start to happen and then 17, 18 and times are finally happening…20’s seems like so much is possible…by 26 I kinda felt like a real person….and now 35 is a month and a day away and I’m not sure what I want. I mean besides being a real grown-up.
Today is a day for tears and extra human. I’ll run and hide in a book later, far away to Paris, or a desert, or the past to let those dreams wash over me. Friday will be a fresh day to take a step back and breathe, the weekend will provide reflection, and I’ll let myself move forward. Slowly.
I know really no one knows what they’re doing….we just all somehow manage. Today though it feels like I’m lost and that my best is miserable. These things sometimes happen so I will lay here for a minute and get back up again.