That 10 percent

Back, back, back and forth.

Being an adult is learning that you have control over maybe 10% of the things in your life on a good day. On a bay day, all you’ve got is 1% which is how you handle it. There has been quite a bit of back and forth’ing in 2016. I’m still here (thankfully) and getting to place where I can gear up and strive to hit that 10%.

That pretty month of May effed some shizz up….but June will be here in a few days and I plan on making the Summer months work for me. Finance wise, my budget didn’t work and we had a LOT of unplanned expenses related to my boyfriend’s graduation and some family events. Not to mention, I’ve been buying my lunches for at least two weeks (that’s 100 that wasn’t planned right there). My body/fitness has turned into a softer and larger lump…not good. I mean naked (still decent) but my clothes like to leave indentations over my body after I take them off…so not good. I finally decided that I needed to step up and take back my 10%. So…Saturday morning, I stepped on the scale and thought well…that explains why all my clothes without elastic are painful. Keep in mind, it’s still a healthy weight but more than my 5 foot body is used to carrying and way less muscle. BLARGH. Yes, my toes need a pedicure…badly.

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I’m going to rally for June and try to bring some financial fitness, mental wellness, and you know real exercise to mi vida. I re-added the my fitness pal (mfp) app to my phone so that I can, ya know, actually be accountable for the food choices that I’m making. I’ve been sick this week and cancelled fun plans to stay home and get better. Hashtag adulting. I bought some groceries on Saturday that supported me eating vegetables and getting better.

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The thought of exercise exists me at this point but I plan to start tomorrow. It’s completely against my will but it’s work out or buy all new pants. I still may need new pants but I have to at least attempt to lose some of this weight.

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I do have a goal for ultimate fitness….August 18th. I have a bachelorette party that I’ve very excited for!!! There will wine tasting, dancing, a dope house with a swimming pool and I will be expected to wear a swimsuit and there will photographic evidence. Sigh, every girl’s nightmare. Therefore the plan is to not look like a blob by this date. Non-blobby would be ideal with all my young cute 29 year old girlfriends even though I’m a 35 year old lady (Grandma, really) that would like to be in a maxi dress, pool adjacent. Anything with stretch really.

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That just makes me want to live in elastic and chug wine…and gain zero weight…that is a girls dream…throw in sex with 90s Brad Pitt and Channing Tatum and the entire Magic Mike crew dancing for me and my girlfriends…yep, that’s about it.

Enjoy your three day weekend, peeps!

lbg

 

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Take a breath…the world is not crumbling around you

Ok, maybe not a breath, maybe a shot of tequila would be better.

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2016 was supposed to be about fitness and finances. A year where this 35 year old got her ish together and made some real progress toward my effin’ life goals. I just accepted an Assistant Director position, have been diligent about my finances (even w/ a few set-backs) and was getting ready to get my fitness back…I sit here typing this eating dark chocolate. However last night the wheels came off with some issues my Mom. It’s a hot mess and reiterates why I have to kill my debt and be in a better place to help people around me.

My mom has struggled so much with the passing of my Grandmother and never went to grief counseling despite our strong urging. My sister and I thought recently she was doing better but some self destructive habits have come to light. It’s a little bit of a mess right now and the hardest part is that she lied to my sister and has not been honest.

Thankfully, my new boss isn’t in the office until next week and I’ve completed all my tasks so I have some time to help my sister deal with all of this….it’s really just hard and crazy. Hopefully things aren’t too bad but I won’t know until I get down there later tonight. It’s overwhelming but I’m trying to keep a level head. Last night, there was some serious rage, drinking, and crying. You know just the usual Tuesday night. Damn, why does being a grown-up suck so DAMN hard. Seriously!

I have a conference in Santa Barbara for the first few days of May and will be in Portland the second weekend, so the timing is craptastic. Of course, all the joy is being sucked from these things because I’m stressed and will probably stress eat. Only making my clothes even tighter….DAMN…See once again, being a grown-up is not great.

I need to remind myself to read up on loans….see depressing.

Alright, I’m off to microwave a sad sack lunch and attempt to not drink at lunch.

LIZ

Besos,

lbg

It will all work out…

The rush of hormones and resulting emotions during your period make you extra human. All that extra, for me at least, makes me feel everything intensely and sometimes painfully. That I’m struggling, that no says your thirties are really hard, that I miss my Grandma at the most unexpected moments, and sometimes you cry.

I hate the feeling of being lost or failing….it’s not easy, its hard but these feelings are important. There’s a lesson in them, in where they came from. Unlike happiness though, you often can’t know in a moment. You need time to process and give you a more objective view. When you’re 13 you feel like when will time start? When will things start to happen and then 17, 18 and times are finally happening…20’s seems like so much is possible…by 26 I kinda felt like a real person….and now 35 is a month and a day away and I’m not sure what I want. I mean besides being a real grown-up.

Love. Maybe?

Today is a day for tears and extra human. I’ll run and hide in a book later, far away to Paris, or a desert, or the past to let those dreams wash over me. Friday will be a fresh day to take a step back and breathe, the weekend will provide reflection, and I’ll let myself move forward. Slowly.

I know really no one knows what they’re doing….we just all somehow manage. Today though it feels like I’m lost and that my best is miserable. These things sometimes happen so I will lay here for a minute and get back up again.

-lbg

I’ve been dranking and hot gluing and bachelorette planning

You don’t ever think that one day you’ll be a grown up, stressed out over custom heart shaped glasses but that’s life for you.

I’m a little over a month out in planning my one and only sister’s bachelorette party and I fluctuate between excitement, anger and being overwhelmed. I know if my sister was planning this type of event it would be cute, fun, and perfect. I’m having some issues since her other two bridesmaids suck. If it was just them there would be nothing planned except for a last minute night out with zero thought at all…..which I wouldn’t mind in the least but that’s not my sister’s steez. The chica scrapbooks, hot glues, and successfully does pinterest crafts. I mean c’mon I can’t toss her a shot and throw her in a dive bar and call it party. Plus my sister hates dive bars.

So we’re brunching and wine tasting with an optional sleep over.  I’ve booked the limo shuttle (holla) and have reservations secured at winery #1, waiting on winery #2 and winery #3. I have a brunch menu planned and favors just ordered!

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The sash already came and it’s even cuter in person. The custom tattoos are on their way and I just placed my order for the custom sunglasses. The theme is “Drunk In Love” so the glasses will have that on one side and each girl’s name on the other. BAM. Also PS I’m super pleased with my idea for a Drunk In Love theme.

Everything else is just going to be streamers, hand made signs, and glitter spray glued to champagne bottles and plastic cups. I think it will be cute or a total pin fail but at least I tried, right?? I really wanted to order paper invitations but I just don’t think that’s going to happen especially since I’m going alone.

I’m asking the two other bridesmaids to do lunch so keep your fingers crossed.

Alright, I’m off to call wineries and price glitter.

Besos,

lbg

The thirties is where shizz gets real

Being in your thirties kind of sucks and I wish more people would talk about that.

So I’m going to post about it…suck it, world.

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Your 20s are awesome and you can kinda get by with your poor choices, random crazy, and drinking far too much with your buddies. By 30 though ish just really starts to change and time speeds up exponentially. Friends are getting married, people have babies, good babies, bad babies, friends with babies that are afraid to leave the house….all true stories. You start to realize ummmm retirement….or I should buy a house….or I’m so buried in student debt that I won’t be able to buy a house. People get sick parents which is devastating….some people have to care for and bury their parents. There’s a lot less drinking with your buddies and more pouring wine alone with Netflix. You start to see people more at less fun planned stuffy events rather than random hang out sessions…. showers/parties that you have to buy gifts for….just take my check Crate & Barrel….go on..just take it. PS try and not drink too much at said party and throw up in front of someone’s mother in law or two year old. You worry about your job, getting paid more or less money, are you still dream chasing or just hoping not to kick your boss in the face???

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Trust me, there are good things in your 30s too but you probably already know them. This is a rude awakening post not yeah 30 is the new 20 post.

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This 34 year old is have such a rude awakening and as a result I’m really trying to take back my 30s and embrace this whole lame grown-up thing…because basically I don’t want to be a homeless 60 year old. Well, what does one do to take back their life which has made a swift turn into grown-up land??? I can only tell you what I’m doing but if you have advice, please do share.  I’m taking classes…yes, classes.

I’ve signed up for the following classes or single day workshops to kick my 34 year old butt into grown-up land. I mean currently I’ve been kicking it on the borderland of late 20s slacking and early thirties island. The geography of all this is in fact quite complex. Here’s what I’ve signed up for so far and why?

  • Women & Leadership Career course (6 weeks) – I’ve veered from my original career plan and I need some help to shape my career, determine how to grow it, and balance that with other life stuff. I’ve heard great things about the course and hey investing in your career and yourself is SUPER grown-up. Starts in September so I will keep you posted. Career Planning – Making it happen.
  • Getting Out of Debt (workshop) – I want to kill my credit cards but when your sister is having a big fancy wedding, you unavoidably need to spend money, and I need help.
  • Working With a Financial Planner (workshop) – See above but add my student debt plus I want to one day retire and not on the streets.
  • Planning Your Pregnancy Leave workshop – because one day and I think I should know about all the ways campus maternity leave suck so I can plan accordingly.

Thankfully they are all spread out over the next few months and I’m hoping they will assist me in my plan to be a mildly successful adult.

Ok, now I’m going to finish this breakfast burrito.

besos,

lbg

Running Away from Mi Vida but first an iced coffee in Gotham

I am have a shitty day. Just straight up shitty.

I want to be someone that wakes up feeling like I am winning at being a grown-up. Maybe this feeling doesn’t exist and everyone else just does a better job faking it than I do?

I don’t want to fight with my boyfriend because his Mom loves him but is basically crazy (as all moms are) and now his day is ruined. Seriously, I’m sorry your mom drives you up the wall but do you have to be a pretentious jerk face??? Should jerkface be one word or two? Sigh, it doesn’t matter.

The best thing about being a grown up is I can run away to one of my favorite cafes and order a strawberry blonde beer and macaroni and cheese. Seriously, not around the block or even hide out at a friends like when you were a kid. I can legit runaway to someplace I love. Until I’m more of a Batman type than a vengeful Joker and then I will return home and restore peace to Gotham.

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Well apparently it’s really hard to save Gotham and our fight continued…it is now Monday and I’m hopeful that peace with reign again. Being in a relationship is by far one of the hardest things….especially when you and your parter are strong, opinionated people. I wish one of us was more easy going and by us, I mean him.

It’s Monday, so let’s debrief the following things that are on my mind.

1. Marathon….so underprepared.

2. Supplemental disability, I feel screwed by big university employer and now need to secure some supplemental coverage.

3. Turning my week around by focusing on gratitude, optimism, and general grown-up attitude.

4. Make some time to clean the casita.

5. How am I going to run this damn marathon????

6. Coffee….I need more coffee.

7. Please let today not kick me in the face.

LIZ

Alright, I’m going to try and be productive at work today and also work on my marathon playlist for ultimate success. I’m also going to need a second coffee today. We’re having a mini heatwave in the East Bay and it’s never 72 at 9:00am so it’s going to need to be an iced coffee. Yes, I live in northern California with a temperate year round climate, so yes this means it will be oh so hot later on.

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Also has anyone watched the Rhi Rhi video for “Bitch, better have my money?” If not, please do. While an interesting video concept, not what I expected. I do enjoy the jam though.

Let’s make Monday happen, kids.

besos,

lbg

Old, Tired, and trying to fake my way to a Happy Sunday Funday.

Dearest Interwebbies,

It’s been two weeks basically since I blogged…how did that happen. #worstbloggerever

Anyways, I have a couple of theories on that matter and the coffee is brewing so let’s just have some coffee and catch up, shall we?

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I’ve been facing some ridicious fatigue in the past few weeks. Fatigue as in I come home from work and lay on my couch for an hour and am in bed by like 9:00pm. In what feels like a moment, it’s the next morning and I can still barely wake up at 6:00am. It’s really bizarre and I know I’m working pretty hard at work but it’s not my normal M.O.. The only thing I can really contribute this fatgue too is the fact that I recently changed my birth control (BC). Actually strike that, my cheapo pharmacy changed my pill and this new bad boy showed up in my mailbox with a note saying “This the same as your old pill but this is the new brand we now carry.” As a lady that’s been on and off my fair share of pills, we all know this is never true. The generic version always makes you feel differently than the OG pill and you kinda have to be willing to go through trial by fire to be on BC. I’ve had pills that made me cry like a lunantic, become depressed and ragey, or even better yet break out like a 15 y.o. kid. AWESOME! I hate having to change pills because it never fails you have to try at least one shitty pill  before you hit the BC jackpot. I was super happy on Reclipsen, no real side effects, enjoying mi vida, and BAM Apri shows up in the mail. WTF???? The only thing I can suspect for this chronic fatigue is the DAMN Apri. Of course, since I’ve been in this game for a while now I know the drill. My doctor is going to say you have to give it three months so no point in calling. I’ve got one month under my belt and month two isn’t feeling any better. In the meantime, my casita is becoming home to the rat king and running is almost non-existant.

Running which I used to love is now like a chore…maybe there’s too much training for a marathon and I’m just a half kind of girl. Or maybe it’s that my first one shouldn’t have been during my busiest time at work…or maybe I just say yes to too many after work cocktails which blows my running motivation. Or it’s the DAMN Apri.

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It’s probably D) All of the above. Being tired though makes it crazy hard to run, that’s no joke. At least my weight is staying static. Thank bebe Jesus. Although it’s still like 4lbs from where I’d really like it to be. Hey, when you’re 5 feet nothing 4lbs matters, bitches. It’s like 10lbs for regular sized people.

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I did interview for a job the other day which is #winning but it’s one of those sneaky bastard jobs where the salary portion says “commesurate with experience” and I’m thinking you’re gonna need to offer me at least $8 -10 grand more than what I make so we’ll see. Plus we finally have AWESOME people at my job that I kinda love working with it. I mean it’s been a rough almost fours years but so many improvements and increased funding have made it a LOT better. Long story, short, I’m not gonna trip. I’m just going to wait and see if I get a second interview and leave it to the gods.

Since I haven’t been running on Saturday mornings (slacker) I’ve been chilling at Farmers Market which I ADORE!!!! All the fresh summer fruit and tons of yumminess. Seriously, it’s my church. I love wandering around the produce and tasting stuff and buying crazy veggies, lemon cucumber anyone?

I still have a half unpacked suitcase from Hawaii, my bad. However found my passport and am stoked for my Budapest trip!

There was some other depressing things on the personal front, such as several people dying which is always sad and depressing even when they’re old. Plus it all kinda clustered around the 1 year anniversary of the death of my Grandma…sigh, all the feelings. Hence to say I’ve felt pretty on and off melancholy this week.

I’m gonna try and pound out another catch up post later kiddies but I’ve got to eat some breakfast and try and bring running back.

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That’s right bitches, caught you off guard with that motivational ish. BOO-YAH!!!

Oh and here’s your moment of zen.

Aretha besos,

lbg