The rush of hormones and resulting emotions during your period make you extra human. All that extra, for me at least, makes me feel everything intensely and sometimes painfully. That I’m struggling, that no says your thirties are really hard, that I miss my Grandma at the most unexpected moments, and sometimes you cry.
I hate the feeling of being lost or failing….it’s not easy, its hard but these feelings are important. There’s a lesson in them, in where they came from. Unlike happiness though, you often can’t know in a moment. You need time to process and give you a more objective view. When you’re 13 you feel like when will time start? When will things start to happen and then 17, 18 and times are finally happening…20’s seems like so much is possible…by 26 I kinda felt like a real person….and now 35 is a month and a day away and I’m not sure what I want. I mean besides being a real grown-up.
Today is a day for tears and extra human. I’ll run and hide in a book later, far away to Paris, or a desert, or the past to let those dreams wash over me. Friday will be a fresh day to take a step back and breathe, the weekend will provide reflection, and I’ll let myself move forward. Slowly.
I know really no one knows what they’re doing….we just all somehow manage. Today though it feels like I’m lost and that my best is miserable. These things sometimes happen so I will lay here for a minute and get back up again.
My sleep has been out of whack for what feels like weeks. I had no idea how important sleep is until I was about 32….I mean napping yes but sleeping not so much. Now that I’m about to be 35 (yikes), I know how effing important sleep is but I don’t always get it.
Sleeping plays a big role in all this shizz. Thanks Google.
- Sleep improves your ability to learn…or remember all those bad ideas from your morning meeting.
- When you sleep your heart is healing….just repairing blood vessels, no big deal.
- Sleep helps us maintain healthy weight or lose weight….aka no sleep effs up your hormones.
- When well rested, I’m a nicer person.
Anyways….this week I’m going to PRIORITIZE sleeping like the old lady I am. This means no working out (not like I’ve been doing much of that lately) to ensure I’m home to tackle chores and be in bed by 10:00pm. It seems a little crazy but I just need to get rest, wake up on time, show up to work on time, and not be a zombie while I’m there.
I guess this is a good time as any to also throw down some Febuary goals. January is duzo and this month feels like it’s moving even quicker. I promise before this week is up to take a look at my January goals…..blargh….failing is the new winning, right??? Yea, not so much.
FEBRUARY GOALS – KICKING ME IN THE FACE
- Begin working on getting to bed on time
- Packing my lunch during the Week of the 15th, 22nd, and 29th
- side note – we had guests this past weekend and haven’t yet gone to the grocery store so I’m cutting myself some slack. Realism, homies.
- Healthy dinners
- Being present at the office….simmer down on the day dreaming.
I’m struggling with a particular work project…a committee I’ve sat on for nearly five years despite my requests to continue to build my skill set. The frustration is heavily impacting my joy in being in the office and my performance. I’m sure I will have an additional post on that later.
Alright kids, I’m off to tackle some work. Hope your February is filled with heart shaped candies.