Ok, maybe not a breath, maybe a shot of tequila would be better.
2016 was supposed to be about fitness and finances. A year where this 35 year old got her ish together and made some real progress toward my effin’ life goals. I just accepted an Assistant Director position, have been diligent about my finances (even w/ a few set-backs) and was getting ready to get my fitness back…I sit here typing this eating dark chocolate. However last night the wheels came off with some issues my Mom. It’s a hot mess and reiterates why I have to kill my debt and be in a better place to help people around me.
My mom has struggled so much with the passing of my Grandmother and never went to grief counseling despite our strong urging. My sister and I thought recently she was doing better but some self destructive habits have come to light. It’s a little bit of a mess right now and the hardest part is that she lied to my sister and has not been honest.
Thankfully, my new boss isn’t in the office until next week and I’ve completed all my tasks so I have some time to help my sister deal with all of this….it’s really just hard and crazy. Hopefully things aren’t too bad but I won’t know until I get down there later tonight. It’s overwhelming but I’m trying to keep a level head. Last night, there was some serious rage, drinking, and crying. You know just the usual Tuesday night. Damn, why does being a grown-up suck so DAMN hard. Seriously!
I have a conference in Santa Barbara for the first few days of May and will be in Portland the second weekend, so the timing is craptastic. Of course, all the joy is being sucked from these things because I’m stressed and will probably stress eat. Only making my clothes even tighter….DAMN…See once again, being a grown-up is not great.
I need to remind myself to read up on loans….see depressing.
Alright, I’m off to microwave a sad sack lunch and attempt to not drink at lunch.
You have been a mixed month of crazy. Allergies, opportunities, and unexpected outings have all lead to a massive month of breaking the bank. I’ve been working late nights which means there has been zero fitness. April is really just all about morbid obesity…and debt. BLARGH!
It’s really just time for an April update list.
- I got a new job! Holla!
- They needed me start right away which meant that I started working LATE! Most nights…plus I had to work on Saturday 4/16 for my old job (couple of hours) and Sunday 4/17 for my new job (similar)…so I worked 12 days straight. EXHAUSTION.
- As a result of all this working, I bought food (unhealthy & fast) and did not meal prep. There was no time for fitness….so all my clothes are tight and the scale scared me the other day. BLARGH!
- Working all the time means my house is a lair of filth….the RAT KING lives here. It’s sad but true.
- As a result of leaving my job, so so MANY unexpected expenses, outings, etc have just fucked my budget. It basically went out the window….and crashed into a million pieces on the street below.
I’m super excited about the new job though!!! It’s the right move despite bad timing and I won’t be broke and fat forever so you know….Monday is a new day and I will start to pull it together at that point.
I just wanted to drop by and say I’m alive…working non-stop with nothing interesting to report. Perhaps, just that Prince died and it was my first day at my new job and DEVASTATION. Also I didn’t know my new team well enough to blast PRINCE and be sad and say we should all drink at lunch…somehow I thought that might be frowned upon. I’m so sad as I type this….Prince, no! He played a few shows in Oakland not too long ago and I had a homie tell me in advance but I opted out of getting tickets because I’ve been so focused on my budget. REGRETS!!!!! I thought I had time! He was only 57! Anyways, rest in peace and power Prince, you will be greatly missed. I will leave you all with this jam and my favorite Charlie Murphy story of all time.
Sad bastard abrazos,
The adventures in getting old continue, I’m fairly certain being 35 means that I can only successfully go out one night a weekend. This would be depressing except that as a 35 year old I have a fabulous couch. A couch that I really like lying on and watching tv instead of being at the bar and wanting to lay my head down on it at 12:35am. I still had an awesome time in the city with my young 30 year old girlfriends but tonight I’m happy to be home.
In other old lady news….
I have truly been ignoring my fitness. Like in every way possible. I ignore the my fancy barre studio, weights at home are dusty, and instead I just eat frozen yogurt with lots of toppings. It’s delicious but clothes are tight and I’m broke. That pretty much means I need to get back on the damn treadmill. So I’m putting this out into the interwebs, 21 days of fitness. Even if it 15 minutes, I’m committing myself to 21 days straight of fitness starting April 3rd…. Because it’s like 9:00pm at night right now. Once again, bringing sexy back! But seriously sexy leaves so quickly like after 2 weeks.
I’m continuing to come back to my 2016 theme of finances & fitness. In terms of finances, I’m still here, beatches! I work on my budget, each month and track my spending even when it’s over. I make notes in future month budget tabs so I can plan appropriately. It’s had its ups and downs but the biggest difference is I’m still trying. I really want to kill my credit card debt, and then I’ll attempt to figure out my crushing student loan debt & improve retirement. However one thing at a time!!! Or I’ll just effing cry.
2016 finances are all about killing the wicked credit card debt and saying no to things I can’t afford. I said no to destination November wedding and another trip. Go, me! It sucks but I really want to end 2016 in a stronger place financially… Even if it means kicking it with my couch more. I was toying with the idea of trying to pick up a weekend job like at Whole Foods for a few months to really help but decided to wait & see what happens with the interview process for this other job.
The more I read about debt, it seems that a lot of peeps pick up side hustles, so we’ll see.
Sunday, you’re going to be a game changer! There will be laundry, house cleaning, meal prep, and firness! Success will be mine!!! Or at the very least I will say no to the frozen yogurt…. Ok, I won’t get toppings.
There’s a lot of change in the wind and I’m trying to hold on for the ride. I’m having some bumps with this new whole fiscal responsible thing but I’m really proud of myself so far. I’m trying to see where I’m spending, how, and when I eff up take it with stride and say “Ok, self…why did this happen and how do I get back on track?” It’s new and hard but I’m committed to making it happen.
My relationship is having some growing pains. There’s so much love but we’re trying to figure out where we both want to be in our next phase of life and if that’s the same…It’s really fucking hard. It’s crazy mature but it also sucks to really love someone and be uncertain that you’re on the same page. We’re trying to figure it out and keep the dialogue open and honest. So you have that…..
I’ve been in the process of applying for a position, and then I got an interview, and then I was a finalist. Now, I’m waiting to see what happens….I really do want it and am keeping my fingers crossed. Trying to trust that the universe has a plan for me and if it’s meant to happen it will happen. I do feel that my interviews were very strong and have little that I regret in terms of preparation or responses….so now I just have to wait….that’s hard.
Fitness has really been the last priority….I’m averaging like once a week if that…. 35 is supposed to be about finances and fitness so I need to really pull that part together. With interviewing, I didn’t have time to meal prep and was buying my lunch like a fool. This week, I’m back on it and prepared 5 healthy lunches. Tonight, I’m going to work out at home which is why I’m blogging (ACCOUNTABILITY). I need to get some fit in and hopefully it will help clear my head so I don’t dive head first into a pint of ice cream….which is better than alcohol.
Oh yea…I already did that on my actual birthday and it may have ended with me puking and drunk crying about being old….I was straight out of a movie…a sadder less glamorous Bridget Jones movie.
Anyways, that’s what’s going on in these parts, Interwebbies…Hopefully there will be more to report soon. News that’s funny and hilarious and involves me working out. But for today is just Old Lady News about trying to keep it together and navigate my mid-thirties like a grown person….and not a Grey’s Anatomy character.
It’s Monday, Interwebs….
Mondays, are the worst but we can prepare, expect the shizz, and stay focused. My birthday is around the corner…next week to be exact….AGHHH!
Thirty-five years old, yo! I’ve made some mistakes, had some successes, and in general, am one lucky mo-fo. Thirty-five is all about the FINANCES & FITNESS. That’s the slogan, brand, power phrase….whatever you want to call it.
I re-did my budget and made notes in each month that I have some activities that I should keep in mind with regard to the MONEY. For example, a friend’s bachelorette party ( I know I’m always in the wedding rotation), a conference I’m attending, familia stuff.
I filed my taxes and once that return gets into my hot little hands, it’s quickly going to the credit card demons. ALL OF IT. I want those beeatches outta my life!
This is week 2 of Sunday lunch meal prep, where I make ALL the lunches for the week. It’s not exciting, I stream Grey’s, dirty up my kitchen, but at the end of it, I have ALL THE LUNCHES!!! Plus, they are healthy….which is important. I’ve been tracking my food and trying to eat like a person that will have a beach vacation….although there are no plans for said vacation. Just feeding my vacation dreams to the credit card demons. I lost two pounds which was gratifying. My clothes are still ridiculously tight. I wore a pair of pants the other day that were painful…not a good sign.
This week, I plan to workout and eat healthy. It sounds terrible but see above, fitness and finances. I know after two weeks of working out it will feel great. Right now though it’s dread. I’m going to a studio near the BART and the campus which means I have to workout with gorgeous twenty year olds….it’s the worst. My old ass will be dripping sweat next to young people that have no need to workout while sporting designer leggings….FUN.
I consoled myself with two oreos and am going to make Monday happen!!!
The rush of hormones and resulting emotions during your period make you extra human. All that extra, for me at least, makes me feel everything intensely and sometimes painfully. That I’m struggling, that no says your thirties are really hard, that I miss my Grandma at the most unexpected moments, and sometimes you cry.
I hate the feeling of being lost or failing….it’s not easy, its hard but these feelings are important. There’s a lesson in them, in where they came from. Unlike happiness though, you often can’t know in a moment. You need time to process and give you a more objective view. When you’re 13 you feel like when will time start? When will things start to happen and then 17, 18 and times are finally happening…20’s seems like so much is possible…by 26 I kinda felt like a real person….and now 35 is a month and a day away and I’m not sure what I want. I mean besides being a real grown-up.
Today is a day for tears and extra human. I’ll run and hide in a book later, far away to Paris, or a desert, or the past to let those dreams wash over me. Friday will be a fresh day to take a step back and breathe, the weekend will provide reflection, and I’ll let myself move forward. Slowly.
I know really no one knows what they’re doing….we just all somehow manage. Today though it feels like I’m lost and that my best is miserable. These things sometimes happen so I will lay here for a minute and get back up again.
My sleep has been out of whack for what feels like weeks. I had no idea how important sleep is until I was about 32….I mean napping yes but sleeping not so much. Now that I’m about to be 35 (yikes), I know how effing important sleep is but I don’t always get it.
Sleeping plays a big role in all this shizz. Thanks Google.
- Sleep improves your ability to learn…or remember all those bad ideas from your morning meeting.
- When you sleep your heart is healing….just repairing blood vessels, no big deal.
- Sleep helps us maintain healthy weight or lose weight….aka no sleep effs up your hormones.
- When well rested, I’m a nicer person.
Anyways….this week I’m going to PRIORITIZE sleeping like the old lady I am. This means no working out (not like I’ve been doing much of that lately) to ensure I’m home to tackle chores and be in bed by 10:00pm. It seems a little crazy but I just need to get rest, wake up on time, show up to work on time, and not be a zombie while I’m there.
I guess this is a good time as any to also throw down some Febuary goals. January is duzo and this month feels like it’s moving even quicker. I promise before this week is up to take a look at my January goals…..blargh….failing is the new winning, right??? Yea, not so much.
FEBRUARY GOALS – KICKING ME IN THE FACE
- Begin working on getting to bed on time
- Packing my lunch during the Week of the 15th, 22nd, and 29th
- side note – we had guests this past weekend and haven’t yet gone to the grocery store so I’m cutting myself some slack. Realism, homies.
- Healthy dinners
- Being present at the office….simmer down on the day dreaming.
I’m struggling with a particular work project…a committee I’ve sat on for nearly five years despite my requests to continue to build my skill set. The frustration is heavily impacting my joy in being in the office and my performance. I’m sure I will have an additional post on that later.
Alright kids, I’m off to tackle some work. Hope your February is filled with heart shaped candies.