HOUDINI IS BACK, Beatches…oh and get your Monday On!!!

I’m sorry that I went all Harry Houdini on you, Interwebbies. I promise I didn’t intend to drop off the face of this planet but life gets straight up loca at time, ya know?
OINB

Ok, maybe not quite as crazy as prison but pretty damn crazy. First, some theme musica to set the tone…and we’ll jump into everything this old lady has been up too while you were kicking it on the interwebs.

1. WORK….it’s a b-i
I’ve fallen off this whole blogging fiasco due to work. Sadly, blogging pays no bills and I need to actually bring in some skrill so me and the bf can pay our expensive bay area rent. October is the month when all hell breaks loose because we release the Spring schedule of classes and Spring registration times. Students pour into the office with questions, concerns, tears, and generally unrealistic Spring schedules. My job is to laugh at them is review these schedule dreams and try to talk some sense into them. Listen, you are at our fancy pants university so clearly you’re a bright kid but that schedule will only cause you tears. I win some and lose some and sometimes you just need to end up on academic probation to learn your lesson. Check yourself before you wreck yourself….those are words of true wisdom. Anyways, the bebes suck all the energy out of me and have been leaving me in a exhausted, worthless, blob of a person on the couch. However at least they are walking out of my office thinking of realistic majors, with a two year plan, and most of the time in good spirits. I did miss my interwebbies and your blogs gave me joy during this draining time.

 

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2. TEACHING!!! The young minds need molding.
This semester your homegirl has been teaching a freshman seminar and I love it!!! I put tons of prep into my class of bebes and am really enjoying myself. I can’t lie, two weeks ago I had my teaching observation and OBSESSED the entire week. No blogging took place since I basically over prepared for my 50 minute section. My evaluation went incredibly well and I really hope I can find a way to keep teaching at the college level. There’s something seriously amazing about getting the bebes to connect themes, dialogue with one another, and take those theories and apply them across lectures & readings. I feel like Julia Roberts in Mona Lisa Smile. Holla! But ya know, Mexican, in 2014s, and with a coed classroom.

julia

 

ALL THE TV IS BACK!!!
American Horror Story, Greys, How to Get Away with Murder, Mindy Project, trying to watch Gotham, The Voice…Sweet Baby Jesus! I am so easily sucked into the damn television. Plus my boy has Football…Sunday, Monday, and Thursday. On top of it all – the SF Giants were in the play-offs!!! HOLLLA WORLD SERIES, HERE WE COME AGAIN! The tv is going to make me obese, oh yah, Biggest Loser is back on too! It’s not the same without Jillian. I am digging Bob being at Comeback Canyon but I may be ready to break up with BL and Grey’s too for that matter. Basically when I wasn’t working, I was watching tv…sad face. Life of a slacker.

EXHAUST

Sleep…what’s that and where can I get some?
DUDE….My sleep has been wacky….as in I cannot get a good night’s rest. Maybe it had to do with the over working and eating crap. Oh yes, crap has been my bestie.

peeps 011

 

Food, cards, m&m’s, cupcakes….it’s ok if it’s for the SF GIANTS!
My boss lady likes to bake when she’s stressed and bring in orange frosted chocolate chip cupcakes into our office. True Story. I wouldn’t mind except it happens like every other week. I’ve also been working hard, not cooking, and eating out which is A FAIL FOR ME! Hellooooo falafel and fries…..just a tamale, rice, beans…hell one beer won’t hurt. This weekend I went urban wine tasting and had two double dosings of brunch. More on that deliciousness for another day. Anyways, Saturday I drunkenly decided I would do the 21 day sugar detox because I needed it. I downloaded the book and today after gourging myself at brunch, I went to the Whole Foodie to prep breakfasts and tomorrows lunch. MIRACLE! Hopefully, I will make it 21 days……jesus drunk decisions.

jesscrying

I ate it like a sexy mofo and am now injured. Hashtag old lady ish for $500, Alex.
During urban wine tasting, I fell….like I wasn’t even drunk yet just trying to walk and read a map. Seriously, how sad old lady is that? It was a very beautiful day and of course I was in a skirt. My right knee slid across the metal on the ground and some sidewalk…let me tell you it’s sexy….sexy like ground beef. No, it’s not that bad but it’s still gross and like a child’s knee. No idea how I’m gonna manage a 10k on Saturday because my knee is all achy and nasty as shizz but we’ll see. Speaking of my knee, where’s my frozen mango? That’s my icing method of choice. Some people go for peas, I’m all about the frozen mango.

meangirls

So my lovies, that’s where I’ve been. Just getting around like Tupac said but I’m back and ready for more shenanigans.

Good night, kids!
Happy Mother Effing Monday!
lbg

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HUMP, HUMP, IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HUMP…

It’s all about the Hump, Hump, Hump, Hump Day, no Monday….It’s all about the Hump, Hump, Hump, Hump Day, no Monday….(sang to the tune of Megan Trainor’s all about that bass)

Yes, it’s time for the glorious WEDNESDAY HUMPTY HUMP CONFESSIONS with Kathy from Vodka and Soda. Let’s throw back some coffee and get in the mood for ranting, loving, and confessing like the bad little Mexican non-practing Catholic that I am.

Vodka and Soda

1) TWO FACING FOR WORK SUCCESS.
I may not like you but if I have to work with you we need to be cordial. I will still occasionally smile and ask you about your weekend. Why, you may ask. It’s because that’s how civil bitches get things done. Sure…sure, I may try and leave meetings early that you’re heading or not sign up for anything that involves you but I will be discrete. We’re ambassadors of our own tiny nations and while I may think you are cray to the zee – we’ve got to keep our trade and economic dependency fluid. That is all…oh you’re running the birthday committee thats great. Sorry, I’ve got a time conflict.

2)WINNING FREE KICKS!
Skinny Chick blog has free kicks give away so if you’re a runner like me you should sign up!! Or send me good energy so I win some shoes!!! Or maybe you’ll win and I’ll be like holla I know that kid.

3)EVERY INCH OF YOU IS BEAUTIFUL OR GETTING READY JAMS.
Dude, cannot lie I love love love Megan Trainor’s jam. I need to play it once a day and get my work chair dance on. It’s so much fun. Thank you Jimmy Fallon for keeping me in the young people loop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lc9MzCcmNCU

4)MURDER WAS THE CASE THAT THEY GAVE ME.
My lady time is out of control….I swear I should be allowed to come into work wearing sweatpants, wiping the chocolate off my face, and able to nap as needed. Ugh, yesterday was a situation, I hate having to run into the bathroom after a student meeting worried that my lady products have failed me and that there is leakage…C’mon you’re supposed to be weaved or woven to prevent this ish!!! Why, why!!! Stuff more peanut m&ms into mouth.

5)TV! BECAUSE I CAN!
AMERICAN HORROR STORY – Sooo ready for this show to come back! Also the circus freak show theme – eek! Scary! Honorable mentions: Mindy Project ( you all know about my Mindy lurve), M is for Murder (Oh, Shonda – let’s see your new bebe). Car Accidents I cannot stop: Grey’s Anatomy (it’s my own personal drug habit).
mindydrinking

Alright my interweb loves that’s all I got for the Hump. I’m off to write student emails, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Yah, you’re graduating! Or just kidding…no, seriously.

Besos,
lbg

A little barre love and some ranting

THURSDAY – THE EVE OF FRIDAY – OR WHERE I NEED TO GET ALL MY ISH TOGETHER

dance
COMMUTER TRAIN RANT!!!
Alright kiddies, let me break it down. If you are taking the BART train (like the BAY AREA SUBWAY) during commuter hours these are the escalator rules! Apparently people can only be socialized in the wrong ways and not the right ones like following the commuter guidelines. The right side of the escalator should be boarded single file when going up. If you stand on the right side of your moving step you are enjoying your coffee, leisurely waiting for the escalator to get you to the top. If you board the left side of the escalator it means “BAM, GET OUT MY WAY!” like Ludicrious. You are late, about to be late, about to miss another train. You don’t have time to leisurely drink the coffee you need to run up the escalator. Simple, right?

Apparently not. Dude, if you have a friend it’s not complicated. Merely stand on the right side SINGLE FILE and talk to your friend that way. DO NOT CROWD THE ENTIRE ESCALATOR STEP! IT IS COMMUTER TIME! I want to shake these people and say look at everyone else??? Also even if you don’t have a friend – why are you STANDING to the left??? Didn’t you see all the people in front of you frantically walk up the escalator?? Sigh, I just don’t understand Interwebbies. I just don’t.

This message was brought to you by un-caffeinated commuting little brown girls and Luda.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iOpUdsMeqM

Sorry that was clearly the R rated version but I trusted you all to click it off if you were horribly offended by Luda. It just expressed my angry commuter rage.

I am drinking my Starbucks coffee and feeling much more pleasant now. The latte strike is going well. I need to think of Mexico and how sexy I want to be. Like Prince, Get Off sexy! That’s a Prince song for all you non-fans. There isn’t a video. I checked because my blog is pretty much 50% musica from the 80s & 90s.


Pretty much me and my feelings about Prince.

Anyways, I have another bar method class tonight. Woo Woo!!! My water consumption is getting back to where it needs to be – holla. Well, NYC pretty much placed my water consumption as “beer has water in it right? That counts.” True story. Speaking of health and water, we did this wicked fold over exercise with a mini mat bent behind our raised leg. TERRIBLE AND IMPOSSIBLE. I mean like I wasn’t even doing it fully correctly because my mini mat kept falling out and it still kicked my ass.
bar

So where that ball is (see above) is where we had a bent little mat that you were supposed to keep in place while raising or pulling your leg inwards.HORRIBLE!! But that’s why this ish hella changes your body…I mean..you just have to actually go to class ๐Ÿ˜‰

I also bought these awesome barre socks online from Pointe Studio because they had a FABU sale and I basically got four pairs for $30 dollars. HOLLA! I have no idea why barre socks are so expensive but they are. Anyways, I love these little socks…I actually slip less in bar method and they’re so cute. ย Of course, now I am addicted and want MORE!!!! I think another pair is in order so I can at least make it to laundry day ๐Ÿ˜‰

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bar2

bar3

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I’m also on the look out for Summer and Fall races I need to get some more ish on my calendar. Especially since the only race I had scheduled, I’m missing due to vacation. Sad face. I was pretty damn excited for that half but trust, Mexico is far more exciting!!! Next week, I’m bringing healthy eating back. This week is JUST workouts and water or my head will explode.
MINDY1

This chica’s gotta do some advising so I will catch you all on the flip side. I want to do Friday Favorites with Amanda but I kinda hate everything so we’ll see. Have a great day, peeps!
DANNY

Besos,
lbg

Couchies and Munchies

FRIDAY, FINALLY!!!! CAN I GET AN AH-LADY!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiBX-ESFDF0

I just felt like a little No Doubt to take me back to my easy breezy high school days. Look at Gwen with those chola eyebrows….tehe…that is why I do my own eyebrows, ladies. Too many times those fabulous waxing ladies gave me those tiny little brows. And I was like NOOO!!!

Speaking of NOOO!!! for all my Wednesday Weigh In folks I faced that bastard the scale this morning.
mindyscale

Yep, that was pretty much my expression. Keep in mind, I’m at a healthy weight. My doctor would say I’m keeping 33 nice and healthy. But she wouldn’t say smoking hot and that’s what I would like for Mexico which is my big girl Christmas. Instead of stockings by the chimney it will be margaritas by the beach. Anyways, ideally if I can knock off these 6.3 lbs by August I will be happy. Now some of you will be – psheeh that’s nothing. Hello…I am barely 5’feet tall which means that’s like you normal sized peoples 15 lbs. One of the many down sides of being miniature. However my tone from running and when I was going to barre is still there so my little shape is better than when I started in January.
healthy

Yes, I would like to look like this at the beach. Love her little flat tummy. My New York beerfest made me a little roly…. This week was kinda a wash except I did bring back veggies and water. I should include her name but I cannot remember it but she was one of the dancers from Dancing With The Stars in the first few seasons. Sheryl something, I think. Is she still on? She’s so cute.

Let’s do some Friday Favorites with Amanda!!!
Friday Favorites

* FRIED SPRING ROLLS…..So delicious…especially when they are a make-up peace offering!!! Pretty much delicious food of any kind is a FAVORITE!!!

* SLEEPING IN!! I am looking forward to some of this!!! Ok, maybe minus the snacking…I am feeling George though!

bed bjonesbed

* BRUNCH W/ MY CHICAS!!
LUNA
I will be enjoying some brunch here manana!!! Can we say hooray for bottomless mimosas until 3pm! Yes, please!

*FUJI APPLES – These are one of my favorite snacks!! So crisp and delicious!!
APPLE

*OLD SEXY AND THE CITY EPISODES – These are just a little pick me up when I need to get ready, fold laundry, etc
sc

sex-the-city2

Alright kiddies, I hope you all have a great weekend. We have a three day weekend over here in the States, holla!!! I am looking forward to my slacker Monday! Let me know what you’ve got planned, any tips to end my slackerdom, or bring back my fitness??? Send help!!

Besos,

lbg

5 ON FRIDAY FAVORITES!

FRIDAY!!!! We Made It!!! Let’s just take a moment to appreciate that.
realitybites_0

 

We are so very very close to the weekend. I can taste 5 O’clock and it tastes like freedom, beer, that moment in Dazed in Confused where all the paper is being thrown everywhere!!!
PAPER

 

 

It was kinda of one of those craptastic weeks for me but hey I’m still standing so that’s all that matters. I’ve got a coffee in my hand and some bastard brought in amazingly delicious poppy seed bread. I’ve got a half marathon scheduled for tomorrow – EEK!!! Why am I running two halfs back to back???
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Whatevs! It’s a stress relief and the Mermaid East Bay is a ladies only run and I LOVE LADIES ONLY RUNS!!! They just seem more fun and less pressure. Plus my sister will be walking the 10k, I hope she does ok. She sent me a fearful text basically saying her training was going to Disneyland for three days. I mean that’s a lot of walking…..right? Regardless it will be exhausting fun and if she’s in that much pain I will buy her a beer.
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mermaid2

Cannot wait to get my hands on that shirt!!!! Love race shirts! When I rock them on the weekend I feel accomplished. TRUE STORY. Alright, let’s get to the good stuff. I’m making another attempt at Amanda’s awesome Friday Favorites even though I fail on having favorite things besides coffee (BLUE BOTTLE).

 

 

FRIDAY FAVORITES!!!

Meet At The Barre

Alright, kids. Buckle up, I’ve got a new jam for you. I call this my processing Change of College Petitions Jam. Keeps me mellow, relaxed, and moving one of my most tedious administrative duties along. I seriously dig it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GBT37_yyzY

My new favorite face moisturizing product from the Whole Foodie! Hello rose face oil!! Not kidding, this old lady has noticed an improvement in the softness of my skin and healing after I pick at zits. Sorry I try not to but it happens. This face oil is amazing. It does however have a strong smell which I like but just a word of caution for people who have sensitive delicate flower little noses.
badger-face-oil

That this time next week I will be kicking it in BROOKLYN!!! It’s not technically a favorite but I’m shameless.
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And the Interwebs just went….
cristina

 

 

Tequila! Ok, see I completely suck!!! Watch tomorrow I’ll write about how awesome something is and be like GOD DAMN!!! Friday Favorites why can’t I make you happen!!! It’s like my own personal fetch. Anyways, clearly this is not my strongest blogging skill set.
besties

 

 

Also FYI  I still love my boyfriend so much that the tv was dominated by the NFL Draft..Johnny Football, who? With a side of NBA Playoffs….sorry Trailblazers. This means not only have I still not seen Mindy but I missed the crack that is my life – GREYS. Maybe you all caught these shows? Drop me a line in the comments if I’m missing out or what? BUT NO SPOILERS ๐Ÿ˜‰
mindy

Ummm is it 5 yet? OMG, it Mother’s Day weekend. Not tripping because I shopped for my mama two weeks ago! BOOYAH! But I still need a card. Damn. What do you crazy kids have going on? Or what do your crazy familias have planned for you? Hopefully there’s a mimosa because I’m pretty sure all moms love mimosas. DAMN, see that should of been a favorite! Amanda, is so gonna kick me off this link-up. Can people do that? Just like say Nah, you’re not link up material?
you

 

I really hope not because that would make me cry sad bastard interweb tears. Tonight I need to get all my gear today for the Mermaid Run and after this coffee start hydrating with some actual water. Let’s take this blog post out with a little Friday Dance Party. No one’s in my oficina so one quick drop it like it’s hot. WARNING there is a lame a commercial at the beginning. Use that time to draw your shades ๐Ÿ˜‰

Besos

HUMPING AROUND WITH THE LBG

It’s time for Wednesday Link Up Lurve where we hook up with all kinds of sexy ladies on the interwebs. Hooraz for hitting the Wednesday hump but truth be told May is just one B-I of a month. For instance, I lost part of this post once already. That’s May for you….she just is all about eff’ing your ish up and then BAM it’s June. Let’s just say as a College Adviser May and June are beyond crazy with my seniors graduating and my new frosh showing up all bright eyed. July shows up and I’m half dead on my desk trying to get ready to cage fight the other advisers to take our respective vacations. Yep, because the College Advising office must always be open and with that let’s get to it!

HUMP DAY CONFESSIONS WITH KATHY FROM VODKA & SODA!

Vodka and Soda

1. RESOLUTION BREAKER – I resolved this new year to no longer work late or come in on the weekends. To be honest, I’m not paid enough and I was really really stressed in 2013. That was the eff’ing year of work stress. I finally broke down and brought work home last night. As a result of my resolution, I’ve been taking bar method and running and feeling way less stressed. I’ve also been chronically behind at la oficina. I’m still going to try to not make this a habit since before it was kinda my lifestyle. Anyways, I’ve broken that resolution. I’m impressed that I’ve come this far.

2. I HATE FLAKY PEOPLE! Ok, hate is a strong mother e’ffing word but I strongly dislike flakers. I have one girl friend from back in the day that is absolutely wonderful, fun, brilliant, and usually really considerate but….yep here’s the but…she’s so flaky! You’re not allowed to confess to missing my sexy ass when all you do is bail or are unable to commit to a plan to get together. Also if you’re not willing to cross the bridge to the Easy Bay, you just lost another 5 points. Either commit or don’t complain!!!!
mere

3. I think confessions w/ Kathy should count as therapy. I should really be sending her checks. Hope she takes blog gratitude.

cristina

4. My allergies have been so bad lately and my nose is just constantly stuffy. I’m worried that since I’ve been trying this new EO natural deodorant that maybe it’s not working and I smell and no one has told me I’m a sweaty beast but I have no idea because of the damn allergies. The only thing that’s reassuring me is that I’m pretty confident my boyfriend would have told me. Why can’t you beattches smell me through the Interwebs!!!

5. Basketball playoffs last forever and I basically don’t get to watch any tv. I love my boyfriend so much I missed the Mindy Project Season Finale. Yep, that’s effing love.
mindy

Ummm….I think that about covers it for the week. I’m good.

Ooooh but don’t forget to check out Wednesday Weigh In !

Pretty Strong Medicine

I didn’t weigh in today things with work have just been too crazy. I think I’m going back to my Thursday/Friday weigh ins since it lets me have a last chance work out. That may sound dumb but it motivates my sleepy booty. Hopefully, this damn book will do the trick. See yesterday’s post. I should link here but I’m tired, sorry kids. I’m just keeping it real. I need to work on a Dave Chappelle type post on “when keeping it real goes wrong.”

Anyone have a keeping it real gone horribly moment? Holla at me! Or let us know how your weekly get fit is coming? At the very least may you all get the eff over the HUMP in one piece!!!

Besos,

lbg

WHAT THE EFF FRIDAY!

WELCOME TO WHAT THE EFF FRIDAY…because that’s how we do it over here!

 

FOLLOW THROUGH FRIDAY LINK UP UPDATE
follow-thru-friday-1

Working out your favorite little Mexican blogger is on point….ummm I mean me by the way. Monday, Tuesday, Friday morning – yeah this morning! I hit up barre and made my ass a little finer. I have a 10.5 miler scheduled for manana. I didn’t do a short run because of the whole allergy fiasco. Anyways, definitely a 4 star week for bringing the sexy workouts back.

My eating has been a whole other story or really a whole other bag of chips. I eat one healthy meal and ruin it with two unhealthy meals. BLARGHHHH. Maybe next week will be my week? I blame Mindy, she makes me feel better about hesitating about wanting that bear claw that I dropped. Actually it’s bagels. Mmmm bread in a circle = weakness. Seriously, think about it. Bagels, donuts, those old fashioned cakes with the whole in the middle…all DELICIOUS. I do have some kale that’s about to wilt in my fridge so tomorrow I’m gonna try and juice it. More on that adventure that may turn into nastiness some time this weekend.
mindycake

FRIDAY FAVORITES LINK UP LURVE

Meet At The Barre

1. GPA calculations. Love them! Super nerd alert. I’m all about calculating what grades are needed to get your booty off probation or what grades you need to hit that 3.5 for grad school. I heart my little grade computation chart.
photo-4
2. Zyrtec – you are my allergy bestie!!! Hooking me up and preventing me from sneezing on everything and in general allowing me to breathe. Breathing is good. Being able to breathe through your nose, even better. WORD.

3.FRIDAY HAPPY HOUR! Getting together with my poor fellow college advisers to drink at one of our casas. It’s cheaper and the booze goes a LOOOOONNNGGG way. This permits my drunken booty to hop in an uber cab home. SAFETY FIRST, ladies and gentlemen.
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EFFING FRIDAY RANT – ALL THE LBG

Apparently I don’t “FAVORITE” many things. Maybe next week, I will have more robust favorites. I should have favorited BAR METHOD or RUNNING but that’s so effing predictable. Dude, I am so over this week and in absolute shock that it’s MAY!!! How is it May already??? I am unprepared. I leave for NYC in 2 weeks!! I need a black maxi dress and some flip flops for post Brooklyn Half when my feet are all tired and swollen! No idea how those preggo ladies manage.

Right now I am beyond distracted by Friday Happy Hour and am counting down the minutes until I can consume alcohol with friends, be home by 9pm, and watch last night Grey’s! They brought back BURKE!!! EEekkk!!! Sucker for bring peeps back. S-U-C-K-E-R. Shonda Rhimes you know my effing number.

My casita ended up getting pretty tidy this past week and I am aiming to do more this weekend. More cleaning, the dreaded 10.5 miler, and some juicing. Woo woo, old lady alert. But damn that sounds good. I’m sure I will manage some movie watching too with wine. Yep, everything is better with wine. Oh and some NYC planning and online shopping. Do I live it up or what.

Alright, it’s your turn Interwebbies!!! What’s your Friday Favorite, Weekend plans, or little rant??? Holla back, peeps!

Besos,
lbg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kgjkth6BRRY